The holidays are supposed to be a time of joy, connection, and celebration. But for many women, they can also bring an overwhelming amount of pressure. Between shopping, decorating, meal planning, family gatherings, school events, and trying to keep everyone happy, it's easy to find yourself feeling more exhausted than cheerful.
In the movie, A Bad Moms Christmas, there's a line that captures this experience perfectly, “Moms don’t enjoy, they give joy.”
It's ironic because, for so many women, this sentiment rings true. We spend so much time creating a special holiday for everyone else that we forget we're allowed to enjoy them, too.
Somewhere along the way, the holidays can become less about celebrating and more about managing expectations and checking things off a never-ending to-do list. And if you're someone who already tends to take care of everyone, struggles with saying no, or holds yourself to high standards, the holiday season can amplify those tendencies.
But what if this year looked a little different? What if, instead of trying to make everything perfect, you focused on protecting your peace and making room for some enjoyment along the way?
Here are a few ways to get started.
Let Go of the Pressure to Make Everything Perfect
It's easy to get caught up in how the holidays are supposed to look — the perfectly decorated house, thoughtful gifts, elaborate meals, family traditions, and picture-perfect gatherings. Social media doesn't help, either.
But the truth is, most people aren't going to remember whether every decoration was in place or whether you made three side dishes instead of two. They'll remember the time spent together and how they felt.
Give yourself permission to simplify. You don't have to recreate every tradition, attend every event, or make everything from scratch. Good enough really can be good enough, even during the holidays.
Stop Taking Responsibility for Everyone Else's Happiness
If you're used to being the one everyone counts on, you may feel responsible for making sure everyone has a good time. You anticipate what people need, manage family dynamics — oh, the family dynamics… gulp! — coordinate plans, and try to prevent anyone from being disappointed.
That's A LOT of responsibility to carry.
It's worth reminding yourself that you can contribute to making the holidays enjoyable without being responsible for everyone's experience. Other adults can manage their own expectations, feelings, and needs. You don't have to fix every problem or smooth over every uncomfortable moment.
You're allowed to enjoy the gathering rather than spend the entire time being "the magic maker."
Get Comfortable Saying No
Between holiday parties, family obligations, work events, and social commitments, your calendar can fill up quickly. Before you know it, there isn't much room left for relaxation or the things you actually want to do.
Remember that saying yes to everything often means saying no to yourself.
You don't need an elaborate explanation or a lengthy apology when declining an invitation. A simple, "Thank you for thinking of me, but I won't be able to make it," is enough.
You can love your family and friends and still decide that you don't want to attend every gathering. You can appreciate an invitation without accepting it. Setting boundaries doesn't mean you don't care about others; it means recognizing that your needs matter, too.
Be Intentional About Where You Spend Your Energy
Not everything deserves the same amount of your time and attention. Take a step back and think about what really matters to you this holiday season.
Maybe it's spending time with your children, enjoying a quiet morning alone, reconnecting with old friends, or keeping a few meaningful traditions alive. Identify the things that truly bring you joy and make room for them.
And just as importantly, consider what drains you. Are there obligations you take on out of guilt? Traditions you continue because you feel like you “just have to”? Expectations you're trying to meet that no one has actually asked of you?
You don't have to keep doing things simply because you've always done them.
Have an Escape Plan
Let's be honest: Sometimes preserving your peace means knowing when it's time to leave. Whether it's a family gathering that has gone on a little too long, an uncomfortable conversation, or an event that's leaving you more drained than energized, it's okay to give yourself permission to step away.
If you anticipate that certain gatherings may be stressful, consider creating an escape plan with someone you trust. Agree on a subtle signal, a look, or even a code word (mine is "avocado," FYI) that lets the other person know you're ready to leave. No lengthy explanation or dramatic exit required.
You can also plan ahead by driving separately, setting a time limit for how long you'll stay, or having a response ready if someone tries to convince you to stick around.
Remember, you don't have to wait until you're completely overwhelmed, frustrated, or at your breaking point to leave. Recognizing when you've had enough is another way of taking care of yourself.
Make Time for Yourself Without Feeling Guilty
Self-care during the holidays doesn't have to mean booking a spa day or carving out an entire afternoon for yourself. Sometimes it's about finding small ways to press pause on the chaos and give yourself a much-needed break.
A few ideas:
Drink your coffee while it's still hot. Before tackling the to-do list or responding to everyone's requests, take some time to enjoy your morning. Notice the warmth of the cup in your hands, take a few slow breaths, and give yourself a few minutes to just be.
Take a walk without turning it into an errand. No grocery pickup, no dropping off packages, no multitasking. Just go outside and enjoy some fresh air with zero agenda.
Hide out for 10 minutes. Step away from the noise, find a quiet spot, and give yourself a few minutes without anyone needing anything from you. Bathrooms and pantries are the best!
Put your phone down. You don't need to respond to every text, check every email, or keep up with everyone's holiday highlights on social media. Put it down, walk away, and stare blankly at the wall like our ancestors did!
Order the dessert. Or buy the cookies instead of baking them. Not every holiday treat needs to be homemade.
Let someone else take the lead. You don't have to be the event coordinator, head chef, gift buyer, and keeper of everyone's schedules. Delegate a few things and resist the urge to supervise.
And remember, rest doesn't have to be earned. You don't have to finish everything on your to-do list before you're allowed to slow down. Your sanity is worth far more than a completed checklist.
Give Yourself Some Grace
Even with the best intentions, the holidays don't always go as planned. Family dynamics can be complicated, schedules get hectic, and things don't always turn out the way you imagined.
Try to notice when your inner critic starts telling you that you should be doing more, doing better, or handling things differently. Instead of adding more pressure, practice giving yourself the same understanding you would offer someone you care about.
You are human. You will get tired, feel frustrated, and sometimes need a break. That doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong.
This Year, Give Yourself Permission to Enjoy the Holidays, Too
You don't have to sacrifice your peace to create meaningful memories for the people you love. You don't have to do it all or meet every expectation to make the holidays special.
Maybe this year, the goal isn't to create the perfect holiday. Maybe it's to create one that feels a little less stressful, a little more manageable, and a lot more enjoyable.
Because you deserve to experience the joy of the season, too. Not just be the person responsible for creating it for everyone else.
